i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
