and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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