So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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