I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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