Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
