i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize