Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she looked like the before picture.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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