Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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