Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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