Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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