I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
