I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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