The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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