Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
