Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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