yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What drink are we having for lunch?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
