you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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