i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
