I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're a waste of cheezeits
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
