You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
