I have demons in me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
