What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
