I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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