I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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