Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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