If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
