If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
