onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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