He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
