First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
