I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
