I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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