dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
