You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
