i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
