she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
