I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
