I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
