She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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