This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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