PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
