wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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