I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
