So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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