Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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