when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
