forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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