Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
