now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sarcasm needs its own font
bring money and cleavage
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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