one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
