i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
