Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My feet surprised me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
