Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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