Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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