i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
