My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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