i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
