i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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