i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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