yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
