My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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