i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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