I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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