He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
