Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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