my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
