Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
