I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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