Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just high enough for therapy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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