there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
