Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
