I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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