I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
