everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
