my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
