I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
